Angst and handwringing. That's just about all the activity that's been going on over here at this blog. Angst and handwringing.
Not about important stuff mind you. No, it's all about the blog. Why can't I write? Why can't I get my head back in the game? Why...well, just WHY?
The plain and simple truth is I don't know why. I want to write. I want to post twice a day and three times on Sunday. I want to scan cards, post trades and mail out packages three times a week. I really do. I just can't seem to get back in the blogging groove. I've had a grand total of 12 posts in the last 7+ weeks and without looking, I'd say 11 of them barely qualify as posts.
Back in mid-September, I sort of had a mini-breakdown. I thought my marriage was falling apart. I imagined my wife was seeing someone else. For a 5 day period, my life was turned upside down. During that 5 days, I slept a grand total of 6 hours. I was having nightmares. The thing is, it was all in MY head. My wife only knew I wasn't sleeping. She didn't know why. She didn't think our marriage was falling apart. She was never seeing someone else and there was no reason for me to think she was. I just fell apart.
The week after that one was better, but I was trying to recover from whatever it was that happened to me. I finally told my wife what had been plaguing me the previous week and she was stunned. The good thing was it got us talking. A lot of talking. I realized that I had been neglecting our marriage. She never accused me of that or said it outright, but it slowly dawned on me that I hadn't been doing any of the things that a husband should do for his wife. I heard her, but I wasn't really listening to her. I didn't do random little things to let her know how important she was to me. I was absent from our marriage without realizing it. If you know my story, you know my wife stuck by me when I hid about 20K in credit card debt from her. She's committed to me and had resigned herself to a marriage in which she wasn't getting the attention she deserved.
I think God let that bad week happen to snap me out of whatever years long funk I was in and I'm so thankful He did. It took a couple of weeks to get back on track, but the last 5 weeks have been the best weeks since we first got married. My wife, my marriage, my kids...they are my priorities now. I have two great sons and for the first time, they are seeing how a man should treat his wife.
I didn't start this post intending to go into all that private (not anymore) stuff, but it feels therapeutic to actually write it. The good news is I think I'm ready to take another shot at kick starting the blog again. I have a number of trade packages that are ready to be scanned, which is sort of how I got started in the first place. I want to start off with a nice little package from Ray over at Shot Not Taken.
You can never go wrong if you include a Senators card in a trade package for me.
Carlton Fisk is one of the guys I collect, but this card may make me rethink that.
This is the card I wanted. If Goodwin Champions has one redeeming quality, it's the Military Machines cards. It's not a priority, but I'd like to put this small set together.
I'll be taking a three day weekend so I won't have any more posts this week. I'm hoping to be back to more regular posting AND commenting on Monday. Thanks for all your support. It means more than you know.