Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Fun With Goodwin
If you like 2012 Upper Deck Goodwin Champions, you might want to stop reading right now. This is not going to be a real positive post. I'm not going to spend the next few minutes beating up Upper Deck, but I am going to make fun of this ridiculous product. I'm not going to mention the spot on comment that Cards on Cards left on the post where I mentioned getting a free blaster of this stuff. "I feel like there's literally one employee left at Upper Deck, and they sit in a basement chasing meth with moonshine and Skittles all day long."--madding. Oops.
In order to save some of you the heartache and $$, I'm going to show you the entire blaster I opened. I'll add a clever comment or two along the way. At least they'll sound clever in my head. These are listed alphabetically with the exception of the last card which had a typo in the title.
Aaron Altherr, mini variation. A mini of a minor leaguer? Well, at least it's a baseball player.
Aaron Rodgers, American Idol contestant or Ryan Seacrest wannabe?
Adrian Dantley, recipient of the Best Dressed award at his High School Prom.
Al Kaline Horizontal Base. These are supposedly hard to find. This one features Richard Nixon and Arnold Palmer alongside Kaline. I'm mulling over whether this one goes with my presidential cards.
Alan Bean. One of 12 people who have walked on the moon. That's bad-ass.
Alistair Overem, MMA fighter, not as bad-ass as Alan Bean.
Anderson Silva, MMA mini. That's kind of funny.
Billy Beane, new host of The Price is Right
Billy Bitter, SP, Star of the Running Man sequel. Maybe it'll do better than the Total Recall remake.
Bob Gibson. How is this guy not in the bad-ass club?
Bobby Orr, Mitt Romney's running mate.
Brian Ching, most nondescript SP "card" ever.
Carlton Fisk, Grand Marshall of the Bellows Falls, VT 4th of July Parade.
Chris Singleton, Footlocker sales rep.
Dale Hawerchuk, First person in line for the new IPhone 5.
Garrett Gomez. Stop the presses, an Upper Deck card where I can actually tell what the guy does for a living? Amazing.
Jack London, literary SSP and loaded with Call of the Wild and White Fang greatness.
Jack Morris, waited 21 hours for the Times Square New Year's Eve Ball to drop before he realized it was already January 1st and he'd missed it.
Jackie Stiles. Ummmm, I got nothing.
Jason Kidd, former NBA player who now twirls basketballs at kid's parties. Now booking parties, willing travel.
Jerry Rice. Thinking if Roger Clemens can come back, why not me?
Jimmer Fredette. I'm sorry, that's just creepy.
John Elway, boy wonder.
Johnny Bench. Do you think Upper Deck put a Caesar's Palace sign on this card on purpose? I sure do.
Larry Robinson. You toucha da hair, I breaka you face!
Lawrence Taylor, gone from pushing QBs to pushing planes back from the gate.
Louis Chevrolet, SP. "I'm a good driver"--Rainman, Dustin Hoffman.
Mario Lemieux, Really?
Maryeve Dufault. Do not do a Google image search at work.
Me'Lisa and Mikele Barber, fastest double-mint twins in history.
Military Machines. The one redeeming quality of this product.
Nancy Lopez, NOT Natalie Gulbis.
Natalie Gulbis, another Google image search that will lead you to realize she's much better looking in person than on this card.
Nick Kingham, another...yawn....minor league mini.
Norris Cole, applicant for that HR position that's been empty for 3 months.
Paul Coffey, still not as nondescript as Brian Ching.
Richard Petty, American Legend.
Ricky Carmichael, the second card where I can tell what this guy does for a living.
Sonya Thomas, MMA Champ?. No. Boxing champ?. No. Food eating champ? Yes. She once ate 11 pounds of cheesecake in 9 minutes. That's attractive.
Steve Carlton, working the phones taking donations for PBS.
Steve Wozniak. The geek gets the la$t laugh.
Tim Brown. What, I'm still not a HOFer?
Tim Howard, star of Broadway's 101 Dalmations.
Tommy Gainey. Look closely at this one. It looks like someone else is in the pic holding the club. Weird.
Trey Hardee, silver medal winner of the decathlon in London. Nice.
Warren Moon. No offense, but I looked at the card four or five times before I realized it wasn't Junior Seau.
Zach Johnson, 2007 Masters winner. Appropriate for the green bordered Lady Luck parallel.
Let's end on a lackluster note. Alec Burks SP. Bummer.
I mentioned it before but it bears repeating that nearly all of the black bordered cards I pulled had some amount of chipping on the edges.
Let's just say buyer beware and leave it at that.